Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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