someone threw a dead crab at me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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