i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just invented taco cereal.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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