I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
