I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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