I just cut my nipple shaving
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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