I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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