I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
