Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
