tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
