i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
