id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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