He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
