She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
