I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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