She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
