He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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