areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I deserve this hangover.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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