You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
