dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
