Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
