One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
