u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
