She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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