i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
