If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
