This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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