We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
