So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize