A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
