she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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