Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
