So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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