At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
