pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just tell him i said nine months
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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