the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my sisters under your porch take her home
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
