Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
