He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
