whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
