i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
