I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
