i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Couch. On fire.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
