You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
