So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she smelled like a LAN party
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
