he wants to bone in the snuggie
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
