So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
