You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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