Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
