Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
