she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
