there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
