I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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