at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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