I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
