pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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