i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
