Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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