So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
