when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
