i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Terrible idea I love it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
