I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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