Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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