The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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