If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
