well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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