I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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