youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I smell stomach acid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
