I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
