Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
