I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
