Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
