Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
