We're facebook friends in real life
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
