my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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