You work out of a Hotel?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
