Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
