Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
