Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
