Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
