good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
