Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
